I promise
to make the
most of it
My journey from numbing out to truly living.
From the outside, everything looked fine. On the inside, I was slowly disappearing. Until the day I couldn't get out of bed anymore. At 21, I looked at myself in the mirror, really looked, for the first time. That's where I made my brother a promise. This book is about everything that led up to that moment, and everything that came after.
€ 26,95 plus € 0,00 shipping
Order the book
Order the book
Sent from the Netherlands, to the Netherlands and Belgium. Allow up to two weeks for delivery.
Outside the Netherlands? Ordering may be faster via Amazon.
“An impressive story about how, from a deeply vulnerable position, she managed to break free from the circumstances she was in. Her story is also a call to parents and caregivers to always keep talking with their children.”
The book
From numbing out to truly living
From the outside, everything looked fine. I worked hard and took care of everyone. On the inside, I was slowly falling apart.
This book is about those years. But most of it is about what came after: thirty-two chapters, from a house full of tension to travelling the world on my own. And back again.
For anyone who wants more
For anyone who works hard, takes care of everyone else, and somewhere knows there's more to life. You don't have to be falling apart to want things to be different.
My story, unfiltered
Tension at home, bullying, losing my brother. Work, alcohol and drugs as a way to numb it all. I tell it the way it was, without making it prettier.
Forty power statements
Every part ends with questions to work through yourself. And at the back of the book, the forty lines I still fall back on.
Inside the book
The journey in seven parts
No safe home
A house full of tension, bullying at school, a bitter divorce. A child who had to grow up far too soon.
Surviving became normal
The theme of our family. How I became a difficult kid, looking for validation everywhere I could find it.
The blow
22 December 2011. My brother Remco is gone. He was 21, I was fifteen. What followed: running, numbing, and a body that spoke the truth I wouldn't.
The mirror
At 21, I couldn't do it anymore. I looked at myself and made a promise. No more masks, therapy, and learning that I am good enough.
Out into the world
Sold everything, gave up my home, quit my job. Seven kilos on my back, off to Thailand, and free for the first time in my life.
Further than I dared
Sri Lanka, India, Nepal. Chaos on the outside, and a silence on the inside that finally started to say something.
Coming home
Getting used to the Netherlands again, caring for my mother, and how things are now. And what I wish for you.
Reflect
Reading is half the work
My story isn't your story. That's why every part ends with the questions that helped me move forward, the same questions I dodged for years.
Take your time with them, or skip them for now. They'll still be there when you're ready.
At the back of the book are my forty power statements. Here's one to start with:
Recovery isn't the pattern disappearing. It's recognising it while you're still right in the middle of it.
- What are you holding onto because it once helped?
- What do you numb yourself with, if you're honest?
- When did things last go wrong, and who knew it?
- What would change if you said it out loud?
“You screamed through your silence. You laughed with sadness in your eyes. You asked for help without words. And back then, I didn't see it.”From the letter to my brother
And then
I left with seven kilos in my backpack. That's how much I had let go of.
I sold my things, gave up my home and quit my job. On that flight, for the first time in my life, I felt it: this is my time. Not taking care of everyone, not performing, not proving myself.
In Bangkok I became a rhythm cycling coach, and the beat quite literally entered my life. Because that's the other part of this story, maybe the biggest part: there's room in it to laugh, to dance, and to sing along far too loudly.
Ready to begin?
My story, with questions for yourself after every part. On its way to you in November.
Order the book · from € 26,95It also makes a meaningful gift, especially for someone who needs to hear they're not alone.
The podcast
Prefer to listen?
I promise to make the most of it is also a podcast: my story from A to Z, free to stream. It's recorded in Dutch, but it's there if you understand the language or simply want to hear my voice.
Listen on SpotifyMake the promise too
Order now and your copy ships in November, among the first to go out. Questions along the way? Just email me.
Order the bookQuestions
Good to know
When will it arrive?
The English edition is printed in smaller numbers than the Dutch one, so it takes a little longer. Allow up to two weeks from your order. If it's going to take longer than that, I'll email you myself.
What does it cost?
The book costs € 26,95, plus € 0,00 shipping. Order three or more and you pay less per copy, shown automatically once you choose a quantity above.
Will there be an ebook or audiobook?
I can't promise anything about that just yet. As soon as I know, you'll know.
Is it a heavy read?
It touches on tension at home, addiction, and losing my brother and my parents, so there are moments that hit hard. I write about it openly, but without details that don't add anything. And there's a lot of light in it too: there's laughter, and most of the book is about the way up. I largely walked that path on my own, and that's what it covers from chapter fourteen onwards.
Will you come and speak?
Yes, I'd love to, in English and in Dutch. My talk Really Seeing, Really Listening stands on its own and is different from this book: it's about what really seeing and really listening can do for a team, a class or an organisation. Feel free to get in touch to talk about the possibilities.
Can I give the book as a gift?
Yes, it makes a meaningful gift. The Dutch order form lets you add a second, hand-signed copy at a discount; the English form doesn't offer that yet. Want something like that anyway? Email me and we'll work it out.
Ordering for a team or organisation?
Order 3 or more and the price per copy drops automatically once you pick a quantity in the form above. Need more than 10? Send me a message and I'll work out a price that fits.
How do I pay?
Securely via Mollie, with iDEAL, credit card, Klarna and more. I only use your details to handle your order.